Post a joke!

[Naemi]

Alright in here we post Jokes or funny quotes.. Like foreksampel:

I heard that when you play a Microsoft Cd backwards you hear satanic messages.. But thats nothing! When you play it forward you install Windows

Alright that was a little lame but its just an eksample. So post some jokes ;)

[GokuJr_GT]

Can they be BAD jokes, because If i am to tell jokes, you should move this to the insane forums... :D

[Flugigo]

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. :lol: :lol: :lol: HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! :lol: :lol: ............ :huh:

[Erin B.]

Here's a sick cornball joke that a friend told me a long time ago and I still remember it (strange, huh?)

A string walks into a bar and says, "Yo, bartender, give me a beer!"
The bartender looks at him and replies, "Sorry, we don't serve strings here."

The string gets frustrated and says again, "Come on, bartender, give me a beer!"

To which the bartender replies, "Sorry, buddy, we don't serve strings here. You're going to have to take your business elsewhere."

The string, by this time very frustrated and eager for a cold one, walks out of the bar, goes to an alley, ties himself into a knot, and frays his ends so that nobody will recognize him.

After doing this, the string goes back into the bar, sits down on the same stool as before and says, "Hey, bartender, give me a beer!"

The bartender, not fooled for a minute, says, "Hey, frayed knot!"

(Okay, so I added a few lines to it, but it's still corny!)

[Yari]

There was a guy who owned a flower shop and was going to take his Summer vacation. He needed someone to look after the shop while he was gone so he phoned his cousin, who was hispanic and not to familiar with english.

Once his cousin got there, he told him how to work the place. If someone were to come up and say how much do these cost, you say only 50 cents. If they asked if any were in rough shape, you'd say some are and some aren't. If they say well then fine, I'm not buying any, you say if you don't, somebody else will.

Everything was going fine and the hispanic cousin had sold many flowers, until one day when a police man came up.

Police man- Are you going to a funeral?
Cousin- Only 50 cents.
Police man- Are your brains working right?
Cosuin- Some are, some aren't.
Police man- Do you want me to hall you off to the nut house?
Cosuin- If you don't, somebody else will.

[Onigex]

One about Gohan......
Gohan is back from after school football and he can't get it out of his head.

Suddenly he passes through a burning building......

Woman Trapped In the top of the building holding a baby: HELP!!!! SOME1 CAtch MY BABY!!!!!
Crowd: I Will!!!!
Gohan as Saiyaman: I Will Miss! I'm a football player and a super hero I can catch anything!

::THE LADY THROUGHS THE BABY::

Saiyaman: I caught him!!!!

::catches baby:: ::SMASHES IT TOWARDS GROUND::

Saiyaman:: TOUCHDOWN!!!!!

[Flugigo]

Ok, a guy wants into a bar. He says, "Ouch."

Once you get it, it's kind of funny...

[Musclebobbuffpants]

Originally posted by Flugigo@Apr 23 2003, 08:02 PM
Ok, a guy wants into a bar. He says, "Ouch."

Once you get it, it's kind of funny...
it isnt a drinking bar it is a metal bar,this is for those who didnt get it
BLOND JOKE!
A blond walks into a store and saids can I buy this tv and the guy saids no we dont sell to blonds so the next day she walks i with died hair and saids can I buy this tv and he saids no we dont serve blonds so 2 weeks later she goes in the store and she has a make over cut her hair died it again and other stuff different,and she saids can i buy this tv and he saids no we dont sell to blonds and she saids how do u know im a blond(here hair is died)and he saids thats not a tv thats a microwave

[Flugigo]

Ok, three women are stranded on an island. One is a red-head. One is a brunett. And one is of coarse a blond. After 5 weeks of being on the island, they all decide to swim for land. The red-head gets about 1/3 of the way, but drowns. The brunett gets about 1/2 of the way, but gets tired and drowns. Now it's the blond's turn. She is athletic and gets 2/3's of the way there. But, she gets tired, and swims back to the island. :blink:

[Naemi]

A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.
The blonde approached and asked if she was all right.

The girl said she was.

A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?"

The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman suspiciously.

Feeling she was making progress, the blonde then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?"

"Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"

[Joey]

Three guys are on a deserted Island, and they find a lamp with a genie. The Genie says he will grant them each one wish.

The First guy wishes to be 25% smarter, and then he makes a boat and sails away.

The second dude wants to be 50% smarter, so then he builds a plane and FLIES away.

The third guy wishes to be 100% smarter and walks across the bridge :blink: :ph34r:

[Yari]

A blond was behind a truck in her car and they both got to a stop light. She got out of her car and ran up to the driver. He roled down the window and she said "Sir, sir! Your losing your load!" He then dorve off as the light changed and at the next light, the same thing happened. "Sir, sir! Your losing your load!" He then drove off acting as though nothing had happened. At the next stop light, the blond once again got out and said "Sir, sir! Your losing your load!" He said back "It's snowing out, someone has to do my job."


For those who don't get it, the truck was a sanding one so when people drive on roads, they aren't slick.

[Musclebobbuffpants]

The ladies are playing poker and one of them is a blond,one saids I was looking through my daughters closet an I found siggarets and I didnt know she smoked,the next one saids I was looking through my daughters closet and I found beer and I didnt know she drank and then the blond saids well I was looking through my daughters closet and I found condums,and I didnt know she had a willy

[Naemi]

Originally posted by Musclebobbuffpants@Apr 24 2003, 05:27 PM
I was looking through my daughters closet and I found beer and I didnt know she smoked
You might wonna correct that ;)

[Thedude]

Well this ones kinda dumb, Goku's so dumb that he tried to push a door open when it said "pull" right in front of his face.
Here's one that I got from a website,
One day the Z Fighters went to go get the dragonballs.When they come back they wait for Krillin.Krillin comes back all bloody, tired ,and his clothes are ripped.They all say,"What happened Krillin?" He says "I thought you wanted me to get the Dragon's Balls!!".

[Invader]

ok...there is a blond driving a truck and she sees a pine tree so she turns,again she sees a pine tree on the road so she turns,again she sees a tree on the road turns and falls in a ditch.a cop comes and says..what happened?she says she was trying to dodge the trees but fell in the ditch..*the cop looks for trees*He comes back and says..lady what you saw was your air freshiner..

[Musclebobbuffpants]

yo mama is so fat when u look in her refridgerator it looks like an all u can eat buffet
yo mama is so fat she irons her pants in the driveway

[Invader]

Yo mamas so fat..she has to get babtised in Sea World :lol:

[Joey]

Yo mamma is so stupid, she had toput her head in a microwave to get a hot idea!

Yo mamma's so fat she stood on the scale and it said to be continued!

Yo momma so fat, when she turns around, people give her a welcome back party!

Yo momma so fat she saw a yellow bus full of white kids and said, "STOP THAT TWINKIE!! "

Yo momma so fat, when she runs she makes the cd played skip, at the radio station!!!

Yo momma so fat, when she went out side in a red dress, everyone yelled, "HEY, KOOL-AID!"

Yo momma fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
_____
Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!

Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!

Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!

Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put, "O.K."

Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread.

[Naemi]

Yo mamma is so fat the she uses Bawling Balls as earings!

Yo mama is so fat the when she steps on the weight it say one at a time!

[Joey]

Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends.

Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!

Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.

Yo momma so stupid she asked you, "What is the number for 911?"

Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.

Yo momma so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl

Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.

Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!

Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!

[Musclebobbuffpants]

There is a flood and a priest isnt doing anything,and the water is up to his ankle and some guy comes and saids come with me and i will take u to safety and he saids no the lord will save me.so later the water is up to his stomach and a guy comes in a boat and he saids come with me and ill bring you to safety and he saids no the lord will save me,then later it is up to his neck and a lady comes in a helicopter and saids come with me and I will bring you to safety and he saids no the lord will save me then he dies and goes to heaven and he asks god,why didnt you save me?and god saids i sent 2 guys and a lady

[Vegeta Jr.]

BLOND JOKE:
A blond is pattling a canoe in the middle of a grassy field. Another blond drives by in a blg SUV, stops, roles down her window, and calls out to the blond in the feild, "Your the kind of person that gives us blonds a bad reputation! If I could swim out there I'd...!".

A blond gets into an argument with another blond over what kind of tracks they are looking at. One says bear, one says Racoon. 1/2 hour later they get hit by the train!

"Hello, and welcome to the newest rafio program, not all blonds are stupid!" Only blonds are in the audience. "Our lucky contestant today is Charlet! OK, Q. What is 100x12?"
(thinks for a minute)"23!"
Audience-"Give her another chance!"
"Ok, Q. what is 2+164?"
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh..."(Thinks for a long while)"236!"
Audience-"Give her another Chance!"
"Ok. LAst chance. what is 2x2?"
After a lot of thinking, the blond replies "4..." nervously.
Audience-"Give her another CHANCE!)

A riddle for those who are smarter than I:
A very rich man is out to church. When he comes back, his son is dead. 3 ppl were in the house.
First, the maid, who claims that she was cleaning the hallway floor.
Second, The Cook, Who claims she was cooking brunch.
Last, The butcher, Who claims to haave been taking in the mail, as he always does.
WHO KILLED THE SON?
(If you have heard this riddle, don't answer and spoil the fun. If you think you know it, post your answer, and why u think so.)

[Super Saiyan 4 Goku]

There were 3 women about to die for doing bad things. A brunette, a red head, and a blonde. After 5 years in prison they were going to recieve the death penalty. The form was...a firing squad in front of them. First the brunette went up...she had a plan of tricking the fire squad. When the squad was ready to shoot the seargent yelled "ready, aim..." then the brunette said "tornado!" the squad looked away and she ran away. Next was the red-head. " Ready, aim..." "Flash Flood!" she yells, and runs off. Then there was the blonde. The seargent yells..."Ready! Aim..." and then the blonde, thinkin quick, yells....."FIRE!"

[Onigex]

I love Joe's jokes! :lol:

[Rurouni_Kenshin]

Yo momma so fat she saw a yellow bus full of white kids and said, "STOP THAT TWINKIE
Yo that's my joke how'd you know about it.

[Rurouni_Kenshin]

Yo your shape up is so bad that it looks like your hair is runnin away from your forehead.

Yo momma so fat she had to use a bomerang to put her belt on.

Yo cheecks are so fat that everytime you step they do the Harlem shake.

Yo mamma is so fat she got hit bya a parked car

Man you so fat you walked into the G.A.P and filled it up.

You so dumb you heard about M&M's and thought tried to eat the rapper becuse you though he was a special flavor.

Man you so ugly, you made Michael Jackson's nose get stick to his face.

[Tailz]

This blonde girl was thrilled to get a jigsaw puzzle for her birthday. She set all of the pieces out on a card table and every day when she got home she'd set out to work on it. Finally, one day she jumped up from the table and ran to the phone. "Sylvia!" she cried, "Remember the puzzle you gave me? I finished it!"

"Gee Tiffany, that's great," responded her friend after a little hesitation. "But you mean to say it took you three months to put it together?" "Not bad, eh?" Tiffany said proudly. "On the box it says, 'Two to five years.'"

In some foreign country, a priest, a lawyer and an engineer are about to be guillotined. The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and nothing happens - he declares that he's been saved by divine intervention - so he's let go. The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the blade, he claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime he is set free too. They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine, he notices the release mechanism and says, "Wait a minute, I see your problem......"

Joe's jokes are awesome!!

[Tailz]

Sorry I have more than one post in a row but...

Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline:

* If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

* If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

* If you have multiple personalities, please press 3,4,5, and 6.

* If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so that we can trace your call.

* If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

* If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press; no one will answer
I found this one key chain and it's awesome! heres what it said.

How do you keep and idiot occupied for hours? Flip the keychain to find out.
**flip**
How do you keep and idiot occupied for hours? Flip the keychain to find out.
**flip**
How do you keep and idiot occupied for hours? Flip the keychain to find out.
**flip**
How do you keep and idiot occupied for hours? Flip the keychain to find out.
**flip**
and on and on

[Joey]

Yo mama so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.

Yo mama so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.

Yo mama so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead, talking about she was trying to makeup her mind.

Yo mama so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.

[Musclebobbuffpants]

This isnt a joke just some stupid law that is true
In some states its illegal to walk backwards after dark
In Denver it is illegal to borrow your next door neighbors vaccum cleaner
In Marshalltown, Iowa, horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants
It is illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds in Idaho
There is a law on the books of TENNESSEE that says a man must run in front of a vehicle that a woman is driving, and, that the car may not go faster than five miles an hour
and in this one state I cant remember you cant get an erection in public :blink:

[Rurouni_Kenshin]

Oh who lives in a trash can next to the good will
Somebody ug-ly
Who stels all the food from other people's rooms
someone hun-gry
If you think they are homeless and smell like rotten fish
Beat them all down
Stupid people hungry people ugly people are Dumb

(to the tune of the spongebob opening theme.)

[Joey]

Yo momma is so fat, she play pool with the planets!

[silverneochris]

youve got to read this one



Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest, but they didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes, so he told them that they could have three wishes each.
Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.
Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.
Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.
Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, “I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!” and rode off as fast as he could.

[Musclebobbuffpants]

meh,it is ok <_<

[Rurouni_Kenshin]

Yeah I could say the same here.

[Musclebobbuffpants]

I want to put this joke in play mode characters:Guy,Narrator 1,Narrator 2,bar tender
Narrator 1:Guy walks into the bar
Narrator 2:I wanted to say that
N1:shut up
N2: :angry:
Guy:one time I was so drunk,I blew chunks
N2:the bar tender is not moved
N1:errrrrrrr I was gonna say that :angry:
Bar tender:oh yeah well one time I was so drunk I got into a car wreck 5 times in a row
Guy:you dont understand chunks is my dog
N1:That was funny he threw up from being drunk
N2:no no no chunks was his dog so he blew his dog up
N1:ok i have had enough of you!
N2:ok lets take this outside
N1:OK! :angry:


P.S.the narrators have nothing to do with the joke just a side show

[Rurouni_Kenshin]

You so poor you bought your ten cent shoes from Payless for ten dollars

Your shape up is so bad it makes you hair look like its running away from your forehead

you boots are so old Nelly changed the song from air force ones to world war twos
I'll be stopmin in my world war II (the General. You know who I'm takin about Tailz)

You so fat everytime you step natual disaters occur.

You you so poor you had to use a cigarette to light your hous.

Yo mamma so fat she could tell the weather in china

Yo mamma so ugly Michael Jackson turned back to black because he couldn't get any paler.

[Tailz]

The Men's Guide to what a woman really means when she says.....

"We need" = "I want"

"It's your decision " = "The correct decision should be obvious by now."

"Do what you want" = "You'll pay for this later."

"Whatever" = "You'll pay for this later."

"Fine" = "You'll pay for this later."

"We need to talk" = "I need to complain"

"I'm not upset" = "Of course I'm upset, you moron!"

"You're so... manly" = "You need a shave and you sweat a lot."

"Be romantic, turn out the lights." = "I have flabby thighs."

"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = "I want a new house."

"I need wedding shoes" = "the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white."

"Hang the picture there" = "NO, I mean hang it there!"

"I heard a noise" = "I noticed you were almost asleep."

"Do you love me?" = "I'm going to ask for something expensive."

"How much do you love me?" = "I did something today you're really not going to like."

"I'll be ready in a minute " = "Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V."

"Is my butt fat?" = "Tell me I'm beautiful."

"You have to learn to communicate." = "Just agree with me."

"Are you listening to me!? " = "Too late, you're dead."

"Do you like this recipe?" = "It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it."

"I'm not yelling!" = "Yes I am yelling because I think this is important."

I'm sorry this is SOOO long....

[Flugigo]

It's pretty funny though. :lol:

[Tailz]

Top ten sexually suggestive lines in the Star Wars Trilogy

Star Wars

10. "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!"
9. "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
8. "Put that thing away before you get us all killed."
7. "You've got something jammed in here real good."
6. "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"
5. "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."
4. "Sorry about the mess..."
3. "Look at the size of that thing!"
2. "Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!"
1. "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."

[guitarooman]

lol... i dunno if this lame joke was posted but im going to do it quick since i only have 3 mins left in the period at school.

a duck walks into a store and asks the guy behind the counter if he has any duck feed. the guy says no.
next day he does the same thing and the guy says no again.
he repeats this for a few days and the guy gets mad and says if u come in here again im gonna nail ur stupid little webbed feet to the floor.

next day...
duck walks in... u have any nails?
guy- no.
duck - have any duck feed?

see really lame

[Musclebobbuffpants]

When Im done someone edit my post by quoting my post and put i'm a man after every sentence I put on here.ok here we go :ph34r:
I go to school-
I get my shoes-
I go home-
I call my girl friend-
She comes over-
We start making out-
She takes off her clothes-
I take off mine-
Then she wispers-

[dbzresource]

What do Michael Jackson and plastic bags have in common?


They are both made out of plastic and are dangerous for children to play with.

[dbzresource]

Why did the blonde nurse take a red magic marker to work?

In caase she had to draw some blood.

[dbzresource]

Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton. George Washington says, "I will make someone happy!" and throws a dollar bill off the plane.
Then Abraham Lincoln says, "I will make five people happy!" and throws 5 one dollar bills off the plane.

Then Thomas Jefferson says, "I will make 500 people happy!" and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane.

Then Bill Clinton says, "I will make the whole world happy!" and throws George W. Bush off the plane.

[Tailz]

Top ten sexually suggestive lines in the Star Wars Trilogy

The Empire Strikes Back

10. "I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me."
9. "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"
8. "There's an awful lot of moisture in here."
7. "But now we must eat. Cum, good food, cumm..."
6. "That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while."
5. "Hurry up, golden-rod..."
4. "I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?"
3. "Possible he came in through the south entrance."
2. "And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!"
1. "Control, control! You must learn control!"

Return of the Jedi:

10. "Hey, point that thing someplace else."
9. "I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me master."
8. "I never knew I had it in me."
7. "There is good in him, I've felt it."
6. "Grab me, Chewie. I'm slipping -- hold on. Grab it, almost... you almost got it. Gently now, all right, easy, easy, hold me Chewie."
5. "Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me -- now I owe you one."
4. "Back door, huh? Good idea!"
3. "She's gonna blow!"
2. "I think you'll fit in nicely."
1. "Rise, my friend."


But of course, one of the best is - "Wedge! Pull out! You're not doing any good back there!"

[Rurouni_Kenshin]

I would say something Taliz but I won't

[Drew]

Originally posted by Musclebobbuffpants@May 5 2003, 04:16 PM
I go to school- i'm a man
I get my shoes- i'm a man
I go home- i'm a man
I call my girl friend- i'm a man
She comes over- i'm a man
We start making out- i'm a man
She takes off her clothes- i'm a man
I take off mine- i'm a man
Then she wispers- i'm a man. :blink:
HOLLY SH*T, I'M GOING TO BARF
i got one. how do you break a blonde's nose?
Put a dill doe under a glass table.

[Rurouni_Kenshin]

Ummmm I don't get it. :blink:

[Vegita 2.0]

Originally posted by drew+May 11 2003, 02:55 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (drew @ May 11 2003, 02:55 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin--Musclebobbuffpants@May 5 2003, 04:16 PM
I hi i am musclebobbuffpaints i i got a joke why did a man say hi becuase he was a man hahahahaahahahahahahahahahahaha
HOLLY SH*T, I'M GOING TO BARF
i got one. how do you break a blonde's nose?
Put a dill doe under a glass table so she try's to bend down to beep it and hits her nose [/b][/quote]
that's sick drew

[sstrunks]

why do ducks have webbed feet?

to put out fires. :unsure:





why do elephants have flat feet?

to put out burning ducks.

[Vegita 2.0]

dont get that one............................................... ................

one day goku went on a date with bulma then after some beer they were soon enouf in the bedroom, and vegeta just walked in te door saw ''goku'' and ''bulma'' in bed togather .. so now you know why vegeta hate's goku so much

[Naemi]

Okay that werent even near funny <_<

A Blonde's Brain At Work

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.

"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."

"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

[Flugigo]

Originally posted by Vegita 2.0@May 13 2003, 04:39 AM
dont get that one............................................... ................

one day goku went on a date with bulma then after some beer they were soon enouf in the bedroom, and vegeta just walked in te door saw ''goku'' and ''bulma'' in bed togather .. so now you know why vegeta hate's goku so much
Eh, that was ok...

[Rurouni_Kenshin]

Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said to be continued

Yo mama is so, fat I had to dip her in flour to find her wet patch.

Yo mama's like a shotgun, 2 cocks and she's ready to blow

Yo mama's so fat, even Richard Simmons laughs at her!

How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?

Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too.

Let me smell that shirt - don't worry, it's good for another week.

Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day.

That outfit isn't sexy enough, here, unbutton your blouse.

Why don't you hitchhike? It would totally be cheaper.

The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here.

Don't clean your room so often. It makes the rest of the house look bad.

Can I borrow your new speed metal CDs?

Naw, you don't have to call me, I'll eventually figure it out if you're in trouble.

Yo mama is so dirty she has to creep up on the bathwater

Yo' mama like a Big Mac -- full of fat and only worth a buck!

The only difference between your mama and a washing machine is, after you drop a load in the washing machine, it doesn't follow you around!

Yo' mama so dumb, she waited at a STOP sign until it said GO!

Yo mama's so big, fat and clumsy, when she tried to get to Wal-Mart, she stumbled over K-Mart and landed right on Target.

: What's the difference between yo' mama and the Titanic?
A: The Titanic sunk and your mama floated.

Yo' mama's breath is so nasty, when she burps her teeth have to duck

Yo mama's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map, she sees people waving.

Yo Mama's so ugly, she had to trick-or-treat over the phone

Yo Mama's like the Pilsbury Doughboy. Everybody wants to poke her.

Yo' mama's lips so big, she doesn't use chapstick -- she uses Mop 'n' Glo

Yo Mama is so poor, she told your little siser that Santa Claus was dead

Yo mama's so dirty, the U.S. Army wants to use her bath water as a biological weapon

[Rurouni_Kenshin]

Yo' mama so dumb, she failed a pregnancy test!
Yo mama's so dumb, she thought that the the International Dateline was a global dating service
Yo Mama's so dumb, she went to a movie that said ''under 18 not admitted,'' so she left to go get 17 of her friends
Yo mama is so dumb that she was on her way to the airport and saw a sign that said “airport left.” So she turned around and went home.
Yo mama is so dumb she stuck a battery up her butt and said, "I got energy!"
'Your mama is so dumb, she sold her car for gas money!
Yo mama is so dumb, it took her an hour to cook minute rice
Yo' mama so dumb, when she filled out her job application and it said ‘sex,’ she wrote “not lately.”
Yo mama is so dumb that she got locked in the bathroom and peed her pants.
Yo mama is so dumb, she thought a ribbed condom was soul food.
Yo mama so stupid, when you were born she saw the umbilical cord and said, “Hey it comes with cable!”
Yo' mama so fat, the tag on her dress reads: "Made In Hungary, Turkey, China, U.S.A., Algeria, Japan, Indonesia
Yo' mama so fat, when she needs to wipe her butt, she sends out a search party
Yo' mama so fat, she got more rolls than a bakery!
Yo' mama so fat, she has to sleep in shifts!
Yo' mama so fat, all the restaurants have signs that say "Max. Occupancy 240 OR Yo' Mama."
Yo' mama so fat, when she dances, the band skips
Yo mama is so fat, when you slap her leg, you can ride the waves.

[sstrunks]

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"

[sstrunks]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

[sstrunks]

An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote:
“Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.”
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.”
“But,” the dog replied, “that would make no sense at all.”



A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”


A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”


When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

[sstrunks]

A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist made some quick calculations, he said "its no good trying to outrun it, its catching up". The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied " I am not trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to out run you"!



I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.



Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!" The other says, "Go home dad you’re drunk."



A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news and worse news'.
'Oh dear, what's the bad news?' asks the patient.
The doctor replies, 'You only have 24 hours to live'.
'That's terrible', said the patient. 'How can the news possibly be worse?'
The doctor replies, 'I've been trying to contact you since yesterday'.

[Vegita 2.0]

Me and my friend was takeing a walk in the wood's

me: Wait a sec i gotto take a pis

friend: Ok ill wait here

me:Goe's near a bush zip's down his ziper then a posin snake bite's his d**k

me:Ahhhh help

friend: What man holy shit that snake bit you

me: Ah call the posin control

friend glad i had cell's phone call's posin control

pc:Yes what can we do for you

friend: Well my friend got bit by a posin snake what should i do

pc: Well frist you have to suck the posin out

pc: then rap a bandeg around were he got bit

pc:And take him to the nearst hospittel

friend: ok thx **hangup**

me: What did they say

friend:they said YOUR!! GONNA!! DIE!!!

[Musclebobbuffpants]

Your mama is so fat when she walks the earth shakes(stupid I know)

[tree princess]

A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this...

'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'

She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day. The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."

So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"

Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"

[Jeabus]

Condom Color

A just-married Chinese couple decided to make love on the wedding night in the hotel where they held their wedding. The wife did not want to get pregnant and requested the husband to buy condom from the shop nearby. When the husband left, the wife waited anxiously in the room with all the lights switched off.

The husband had a hard time looking for a shop that sell condom and when he finally found one, he realized that he had only one 20 cents coin. He asked the shop owner to sell him one piece of condom and the shop owner asked him which quality does he want. "The white condom, lowest quality, is 15 cents each. The black condom, average quality, is 20 cents each. And the purple condom, highest quality, is 25 cents each." So the husband took the black condom as he had only 20 cents with him.

While the husband was out, a black Indian thief came into the room. The wife did not notice and thought that it was her husband. She grabs the thief and happily screwing away. The wife was so exhausted that she felt asleep immediately.

When he reach the hotel, he found his wife sleeping. Without a warning, he jump onto his wife and started making love. The wife was surprised that the husband was so energetic as she enjoyed the session.

A year later, the wife gave birth to a black baby boy. When the baby grows up, he ask the father "Pa, why am I black and you are white????"

The father shouted "You are damn lucky already, 5 cents more and you would have been PURPLE".

[Vegita 2.0]

Five blind mice walked through a maze.

''ha, ha, oh man I'm funny''

[Silver]

This ones about Vegita.. AND goku (this aint much of a joke but this joke is really cornie)

Vegeta: Kakoratt!! Whats your twin doing here!!

Goku: Thats not my twin! Hes Krillen!

Vegeta: Oh damn my eyes must be asleep.

Goku: ????

Vegeta: Shaddup im trying to be funny

Goku: You have no humor in your brain...

Vegeta: *FINAL FLASH!!*

Goku: God damn it when will he learn... *KAMEHAMEHA!!*

*BOOOOOOOOM*

Vegeta: im gonna slap you..

*slap!*

Goku: Tat hurt.. *sniff*

*slaps 10x harder*

Vegeta: You are so dead!!

*Turns super saiyan*

Vegeta: AHHHH!!!!!!!

*Turns super saiyan 2*

Vegeta: AHHHHH!!!!!!!!

*TURNS SUPER SAIYAN 3!*

Vegeta: Argh..... your dead now

*Big bang attack!*

*misses*

Vegeta: Omg these eyes are so annoying. A saiyan like me is so pathetic.. Kakoratt, I give you the honor of being the new prince of saiyans and now you can obliterate me...

Goku: Dude I feel like smacking you.

*Smacks!*

Vegeta: heh im not vegeta im goten!! now im telling mommy u hurt me!!!!

Goku: Whoa I guess vegeta is that short..

(P.S: This is the corniest joke I made up so laugh at my embarrasement all u want)

[Vegita 2.0]

ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, No it was good lol, I still like flugigos the best

flugigo
A guy walks into a bar, and says ouch.

[Shadow]

This is a question kinda joke.

A man was going on a plane for a business trip one night. He just remembered that he left some papers in his office. The watchman found him. He said last night he had a dream that the plane crashed and everybody died with it. Reluctantly, he listened to the watchman. In the end he was right. Everyone died and the plane crashed. He gave the watchman $1000 and fired him.
Why did he fire the watchmen?

[Vegita 2.0]

WHY DID 7, 8, 9,

Ha, Ha, I gotta be the funest guy here.

[Invader]

Originally posted by Vegita 2.0@Jun 16 2003, 01:56 PM
ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, No it was good lol, I still like flugigos the best

flugigo
A guy walks into a bar, and says ouch.
I was gunna say that one... :(

[Shadow]

can anybody answer mine? :huh:

[Vegita 2.0]

Iii, dooo, nott, knowwww, diddd, nottt, gettt, jokeee,

[Shadow]

What don't you get?

[Invader]

Originally posted by Shadow@Jun 16 2003, 02:00 PM
This is a question kinda joke.

A man was going on a plane for a business trip one night. He just remembered that he left some papers in his office. The watchman found him. He said last night he had a dream that the plane crashed and everybody died with it. Reluctantly, he listened to the watchman. In the end he was right. Everyone died and the plane crashed. He gave the watchman $1000 and fired him.
Why did he fire the watchmen?
I dont know..we give up... :lol:

[Vegita 2.0]

Good one I&G

[Shadow]

Key words: "night" "watchman"
He was supposed to watch the company and guard it. But he fell asleep on the job. So that's why he fired him.

[Musclebobbuffpants]

what do u call a dog with a watch...................A WATCH DOG!!!

[Flugigo]

Originally posted by Musclebobbuffpants@Jun 17 2003, 07:05 PM
what do u call a dog with a watch...................A WATCH DOG!!!
LAME.......

Ok, after everything I say, you say 10 years....

Advil - 10 Years
Aspirin - 10 Years
Tylonal - 10 Years
Bengay - 10 Years.

It's funny because bengay is the medicine stuff...

[tree princess]

huh? I dun........get it.....

[DeftoneGTguy]

Been GAY for 10 years.... Bengay - 10 years

[Musclebobbuffpants]

Top 10 Reasons to Know You're a Redneck

1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.
2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
4. You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.
5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday.
6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.
7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops.
8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
9. You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
10. You've used the same knife to make bull calves steers and peel apples.