Dragonball V

[Onigex]

Okay, during the summer I have been working on a little story for what happens after Dragonball AF. It's sort of wierd, but I worked hard...... :P ..........It's about Goku getting lost in the living world.........and he finds Goku J.R but he can't remember who he is or anything. Meanwhile in the Planet of King Kia......
He revives almost everyone and sends them to find Goku.
They get mixed up and capture Goku J.R. He tells them he doesn't know who they are. Everyone thinks it's because he has been gone for a while and cause King Kia told them he won't remember anything.
Turns out during the whole time that this was planned by Gero's Great-great-great grandson, Oerg. He sents allies to capture Goku and Vegeta, but they are sort of stupid.

Tell me what you think so far. 8)

[Trunks]

you suck horse balls...... :lol:

[SSJ_Ivy]

haha, Well at least give her some credit!

[SSJ Rytenks]

haha, Well at least give her some credit!

How can you give that crumby story credit. It sucks! Sorry but, I agree with Trunks lol. I got a tite story, but Im not finished, so cant show yall...

[SSJ_Ivy]

:D well i mean it's probably her first story, it's not that bad!

(well let's accept it it is but don't hurt her feelings) :P

[SuB ZeRo]

Rytenks and Trunks, why don't you guys think up of a story. So we can Critic it, and i think saying "it sucks" is pretty fucking stupid of you, Who are you to rate someone elses work, give her some credit for trying atleast, unlike you who got nothing.

[SSJ_Ivy]

!!!!!! i know, poor SSalex13 at least she tried!! and it was her first story!!

good one SuB ZeRo

[SuB ZeRo]

Oh and by the way, why not tell her what she did wrong and what she can work on to make her story better.

[SuB ZeRo]

Thanks Ivy ^^

[SSJ_Ivy]

:wink:
i'm telling you these kids they have no manners

[ghost04]

hmm......well first of all i would not make it with gero's great great great grandson. i don't know, it just irritates me when offspring of old villians are brought back (well except piccolo). think up a new villian to kill. and give gokou a rest, he deserves it after all he does for the universe. i dunno, thats just my opinion, i could be wrond.

[Trunks]

notice my smily face after my crude comment.......i was joking......

and i do have a huge story ....more like series......about Dragonball NG (Next Generation). It's on earth, but goku and them never existed just to make life easier. I don't know....maybe a different time period. Anyhow, two brother saiyajins come from an abandoned saiyajin colony to earth, chasing an evil saiyajin. Eventually the series goes on until the ultimate baddie (and i'm not joking) Vox comes and ruins things....twice.....

someday i might get to posting stuff.....but i have like 30 characters.....and alot of it is written on note paper......so i have more important things to do with my life......and other, more creative and my type stories to write....

[Onigex]

:evil: ........i'm reading all this. And Thanks SSj Ivy and Sub Zero. Unlike some peps i won't mention. And i have most writen on paper. So I shortened it. At the end of the series [i won't tell the story cus some peps] something is revealed that "Goku" is actually a clone and all this time he thought he was the real one. The real Goku is being controlled and now is evil......so......that's it. :evil:

[Seraph]

Don't worry, I could rip either one of their stories to pieces in seconds.

[SSJ Rytenks]

Okay well the 'story' sucks because of lack in detail. I mean "They get mixed up and capture Goku JR" Ooo big whoop they got mixed up and sum1 got captured. Put more detail in it and it'd prolly be cool. And SSJ Ivy how the hell do you know its her 1st story? Ive only done 1 story and it kicks ass. Its 99 pages long ina notebook and 3 and a half comp page wise. If you wanna see it IM me on AIM.

[Trunks]

Don't worry, I could rip either one of their stories to pieces in seconds.

oh i love the british :twisted: so cynical

[Onigex]

It's a draft......I shortened it! Want me to get in the details?

[GOHAN]

yes, please. I'm crap when it comes to writing, but i'd have to say, she needs to work on it. Oh yeah, do you think DBAF is real or something?

[ghost04]

no DBAF does not exist. if you wanna get technical, GT isn't a real part of the dragonball series either. akira toriyama didn't write it. in my mind it is just a very well funded fanfic.

[Glace]

Salex, here are some tips. I'm not a master story writer, but I might know a few things that could help:

Go for original stories. This means use villians not normally used in the show, or create your own all together. Reading fan fics about Frieza and Cell gets real old real fast.

Stories featuring DBAF or DBGT usually aren't very popular. Mostly because fans can't identify with the characters. DBAF was never made, so if someone sees a story based off of it, they write off the author as a 'new' DBZ fan, someone who doesn't know what they're talking about. And DBGT was never liked by most fans, so if they see a story about GT, they won't look at it either.

Some authors enjoy using original characters. However, I don't think this is a good idea on most occasions. If you want your reader to see a movie in his head while he's reading your story, he has to know what your characters look like. And it's usually easier to merely use the main Z Warriors instead of coming up with all new people.

Another mistake commonly made when introducing original characters into DBZ stories are the names. If you pay attention to DB/Z/GT, all names mean something else. Gohan means rice, Vegeta means Vegetable, and so on. Every name you use or make up in your Dragon Ball story should be a play on a word. For example, in my DBAH story I used the name Zanji for my villain. Zanji is a play on the word Kanji, which is the symbol that the Z Warriors wear to show who they trained under.

There should be action scenes almost constantly. Not through the entire story, but remember that this is DBZ. And DBZ is largely based on fighting. So you should have training or fight sequences through most of what you write, and you should pay extra special attention to make sure it's easy to understand what you're trying to say when you write them. Make sure the battle flows and is easy to understand.


There are just a few tips. I hope they help you out.

[GOHAN]

no DBAF does not exist.  if you wanna get technical, GT isn't a real part of the dragonball series either.  akira toriyama didn't write it.  in my mind it is just a very well funded fanfic.

I am asking ssalex if he/she thinks it's real.

[Onigex]

okay glace thanks for the advice i'll get working....

[GOHAN]

ssalex, do you think DBAF is real or not?

[Onigex]

no. it's fake but i thought it would be fancy to finish after one fan fic but yeah it's stupid i'm fixing it as i write!

[GOHAN]

good. it's been over a month since I changed someones opinion about DBAF...

[Onigex]

Oh that's good!

[Glace]

good. it's been over a month since I changed someones opinion about DBAF...
You encounter that many people that thing DBAF is real...?

[Onigex]

Dbaf is drom Japan i imported the comic.....alot like Dragonball.....

[Trunks]

what is the general story of dragonball AF?

and what does AF stand for?

jw

[Glace]

AF has a multitude of meanings, but then, no meaning at all. Depending on the site you go to. It was a fan created manga which had only one volume as I recall. It wasn't licensed at all, and recieved no major attention. However, it did spawn a continous rumor that DBAF was a new Dragon Ball series coming out. Which was, of course, a lie.

[Trunks]

yeah....i knew it was a non-liscenced manga.....

[Onigex]

It's more comedy. Goku Jr. and Vegeta Jr. are in it.
Goku Jr. is like Goku/Gohan
Vegeta Jr. is like Krillyn [i know....]

[Psycho]

I've seen pics of fans that drew pictures about AF. They're Pretty cool. The Best I've seen was a pic of gokou in SSJ6 with black,SSJ3 style hair and black eyes. Very cool. [/url]

[Onigex]

It has nothing to do with that unfortunitly.....

[Psycho]

Yo Trunks, AF stands for Alternate Future. Since Glace can never give a straight answer. :roll:

[Trunks]

thanks man....... :P

[Glace]

Yo Trunks, AF stands for Alternate Future. Since Glace can never give a straight answer. :roll:
Wow, hostility. People always get mad if I prove them wrong about something often enough :lol:

[guitarooman]

i don't blame you if you prove someone wrong... i think i'd rather know the truth ..... *questioning myself* :wink:

[GOHAN]

Yo Trunks, AF stands for Alternate Future. Since Glace can never give a straight answer. :roll:


you are an idiot for 2 reasons:

1. IT's After Future, idiot
2. Glace always has something to backup his arguments, and you don't.



Anyway, AF is not real, and it never will become real. Toei have already said no to the idea. It is nothing but a silly fan manga/ficiton drawn by some incredibly talented artists(some is just cheep edited pictures)


"You encounter that many people that thing DBAF is real...?"

Yes, sadly I do. I had this argument with this kid who owned a website that was full of DBAF crap. It took a while, but eventually it got through to him. And then there is Anime Forums, tons of idiots come in there and ask if DBAF is real, then they are like "yes it iz i gots pictorz!"

[Psycho]

Yes idiot i know AF isn't real idiot and i'm not an idiot.

[GOHAN]

Yes idiot i know AF isn't real idiot and i'm not an idiot.

God, you really are an idiot. Do you even know why I was calling you an idiot? Think it through

[SSJ Rytenks]

Man, Psycho is stupid.....

[Onigex]

No she/he isn't!

[Trunks]

hahe idon't care.....i'm plastered like a catty on a walllllllll......

[GOHAN]

No she/he isn't!


Yes he is. He is Mystic Gohan

[Onigex]

Whatever!

Okay here it is!:

In a dark planet not far from the galxy we live in there was a boy. Not just an average boy a boy possesing a power he didn't even know he had. He streched his bow and grabbed his arrow and pointed it towards an animal. Click Clunk. The boy had red hair and looked similar to an elf having pointed ears.
"What are you doing Rethus?"
A voice frendly yet mysterious asked.
"I'm getting dinner for mother. You should be home Ratia."
The boy responded.
"Well, mom isn't feeling as well as she did last millenium!" Ratia joked.
"You shouldn't be making fun of mother like that!" Rethus argued.
"In any case let's just hope she's okay." sighed Ratia.
Ratia and Rethus were siblings. They have known each other since they were 4. Rethus was her half sibling. His father was the strongest man yet he had no recollection of him, Goku. How?
When Goku was 12 he had been found in the woods hurt from training. A girl had found him. But she was an elf like person. And being different from humans whenever she feel in love she .....

[Onigex]

Yeah okay um you know what! So anyways Rethus climbs back onto his horse.
"Hayi!!"
Ratia watches her brother leave and shakes her head. She stops.
"what? What's this?"
She felt something weak and withering she couldn't explain it and raced home. On the way she ran into Cherry.
Oh Hi! Cherry listen I have to leave somethings wrong I can't talk."
"Oh nonsense! C'mon I'll take you hame on the Ditrki."
A strange bird looking creature with green eyes and blue feather

[therapist]

better than the first one (much better) but could still use some work